Jan 15 2010
The Fate of the World
If, like in Space Jam, the fate of humanity came down to one athlete playing a sport against an alien race, here’s who I’d choose right now. Use the comment panel to suggest more sports and I’ll add them on.
1. Football: Offense, Peyton Manning. But I’d prefer he not take any weeks off before the game that decides our fate. Defense: Revis. Put him up against a nine-foot tall, eight-legged octopus, and he’d shut that freak down right now.
2. Basketball: Kobe Bryant. Not Le’Bron. When healthy, and let’s assume this big game is a few months away, Bryant can shoot, drive, defend, and will himself to victory. LeBron may actually be an alien, so I’m not sure he’d qualify, anyway.
3. Golf: Tiger Woods. See also: Competitive Philandering.
4. Baseball: Albert Pujols as a hitter, and probably that guy from Toronto who is now with Philly as a pitcher. But my guess is aliens don’t watch baseball anymore, either.
5. Hockey: Olvechkin or Crosby? Broudour in goal? See above.
6. NASCAR: That one guy who keeps winning every year. See above.
7. Soccer: Somebody with one name that ends in “o” from Brazil.
8. Cycling: You can give the aliens Contador for their team and I’ll still take Lance.
9. Tennis: Federer. I like Rafa, but if my future is in the balance, I want the Swiss. We might be able to avoid conflict all together if we send Serena and her mouth after them.
10. Boxing: Rocky Balboa. (Without a great heavy weight, we’d be screwed.) If the aliens are little people, send Mayweather or Manny.
I’m a huge rocky fan and will argue to the day that i die that Rocky IV is the greatest movie ever, however, i would send tyson to fight anybody. Dude is nuts, he goes to kill people. I’ve seen crazy, i’ve seen murderous, i’ve seen extreme mental disturbance, tyson is all of them combined.