The L.A. Dime

Jan 15 2010

The Fate of the World

Published by Brad under The Games

If, like in Space Jam, the fate of humanity came down to one athlete playing a sport against an alien race, here’s who I’d choose right now. Use the comment panel to suggest more sports and I’ll add them on.

1. Football: Offense, Peyton Manning. But I’d prefer he not take any weeks off before the game that decides our fate. Defense: Revis. Put him up against a nine-foot tall, eight-legged octopus, and he’d shut that freak down right now.

2. Basketball: Kobe Bryant. Not Le’Bron. When healthy, and let’s assume this big game is a few months away, Bryant can shoot, drive, defend, and will himself to victory. LeBron may actually be an alien, so I’m not sure he’d qualify, anyway.

3. Golf: Tiger Woods. See also: Competitive Philandering.

4. Baseball: Albert Pujols as a hitter, and probably that guy from Toronto who is now with Philly as a pitcher. But my guess is aliens don’t watch baseball anymore, either.

5. Hockey: Olvechkin or Crosby? Broudour in goal? See above.

6. NASCAR: That one guy who keeps winning every year. See above.

7. Soccer: Somebody with one name that ends in “o” from Brazil.

8. Cycling: You can give the aliens Contador for their team and I’ll still take Lance.

9. Tennis: Federer. I like Rafa, but if my future is in the balance, I want the Swiss. We might be able to avoid conflict all together if we send Serena and her mouth after them.

10. Boxing: Rocky Balboa. (Without a great heavy weight, we’d be screwed.) If the aliens are little people, send Mayweather or Manny.

435px-alien

One response so far

Apr 30 2009

A Message from Mort

Published by Brad under The Games

After the first day of the NFL Draft, I sent ESPN’s Chris Mortensen the following message through Twitter:

@Mort2u Could you speak to the character concerns of Smith and Rey Rey? WhoDeyNation has to be worried. Again.

Today, the venerable analyst actually replied to me with the following:

Mort2u Smith just young. On Rey, more teams worry about instincts than character. He’s capable of energizing team with big hits!

Thanks for the reply, Mort. Maybe these new Bengals will be alright after all.

chris20mortensen

4 responses so far

Mar 08 2009

What I’ll Watch

Published by Brad under The Games

I’m a pretty avid sports fan, but with a busy life writing, teaching, and being a family man, I don’t watch nearly as much as I once did. It’s a good bet that I’ll always be watching the NFL, USC football, and (until lately) Kentucky basketball. Those withstanding, here’s a list of events that I always try to catch if I can:

March Madness: the best all-round sports championship, and perhaps even our best televised sporting event.

The Olympics: I’ve always been a sucker for the games, and hope to maybe visit Vancouver in 2010.

The Kentucky Derby: the fastest two minutes in sports gets me even more amped now that I’m an expat.

The World Cup: I never watch soccer. Never really even think about it. But when it’s World Cup time, footie is on at Hamlin House.

Wimbledon: somehow, the finals never disappoint. Federer/Nadal 2008 was maybe the best match in the history of the sport.

The Masters: not a big golf guy, but the stakes here are high, and like the playoffs in baseball, it’s the only time I really care to watch.

The NBA Finals: but only if the Lakers, Celtics, or (now) the Cavaliers are playing. It’s a star-driven league, and really, there are only a handful of true stars.

Carolina/Duke: I hate them both, but having lived in the triangle, the intensity is second to none as far as sports rivalries go.

4 responses so far

Mar 02 2009

Adios, TJ!

Published by Brad under The Games

Congratulations and good luck, Housh. Thanks for playing hard, being a professional, and never complaining despite playing for a total joke of an organization. We’ll miss you, but the Bengals don’t deserve you.

houshmandzadeh

3 responses so far

Feb 07 2009

Hall of Shame

Published by Brad under The Games

ESPN’s star baseball reporter, Buster Olney, today wrote that he believes Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Mark McGire, Sammy Sosa, and Roger Clemens may never make it into the Baseball Hall of Fame due to the suspicion, or in some cases, proof, that they used steriods. If his theory holds true, I will forgive Baseball for banning the best hitter (maybe even the best player) in the history of the game — Pete Rose — from joining the Hall. If even one of those cheats gets in, however, it will be the final nail in a nearly closed coffin for baseball, as far as I’m concerned.

No responses yet

Jan 20 2009

Beer Pong Goes Legit

Published by Brad under The Games, The Industry, The Media

Only on the L.A. Dime can you get a heart-felt, patriotic, drippingly emotional discourse on the glory of American democracy, followed by a shameless shill-job for an R-rated movie about Beer Pong.

That being said, since Road Trip 2: Beer Pong (which I wrote) will be released later this year, I thought I’d share this great article by famed ESPN columnist Rick Reilly about his trip to The World Series of Beer Pong. Enjoy. And God Bless America.

2 responses so far

Jan 12 2009

Thanks Brian…

Published by Brad under The Games

…for sending this awesome jersey! It fits perfectly and I am going to wear it to our Championship Sunday party this weekend.

No responses yet

Oct 15 2008

‘Squatch

Published by Brad under The Games

A long time ago, my friend Jan and I wrote a screenplay about Sasquatch playing football for the Seattle Seahawks. Trust me, it was funny. People liked it, or so they said.
Jan lives in Seattle now and sent me these pictures yesterday. Go ‘Squatch! The Seahawks could use him.

One response so far

Oct 02 2008

My New Team

Published by Brad under The Games

Until the Bengals become an actual NFL franchise again, I’m going to pull for the Titans, with an eye toward the Colts (due to hometown proximity) and the Bucs (due to our frequent trips to Florida). The Chargers are fun to watch locally, too.

I will continue to watch the Bengals, and hope they win, but after all we’ve been through together, they need to earn my affections back. This decision was prompted by Taco Salad’s move to support the Patriots for the remainder of the year. I know the Titans are front-runners, but they play football the way it’s supposed to be played, they’re winning with a salty backup QB, and they have a great coach and front office. The real reason I like them, though, is that there isn’t a single guy on the team whose jersey people want to buy.